I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
