I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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