I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
should my penis look like a turkey
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
