Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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