Say something about gay babies.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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