I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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