I think my fart just growled at me.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
