He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
