He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
