i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize