I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
