When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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