considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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