Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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