A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
