Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
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