Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
