Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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