last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
