Define "chronic" masturbator.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
