i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
