OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
