Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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