this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
