i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize