I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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