I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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