His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize