my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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