Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
