I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
