Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
