I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize