I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
