Already got asked if we're dating
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
