I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Duck Duck Cougar?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
