Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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