oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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