I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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