can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
