Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
