You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
