Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
