I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
