we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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