just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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