i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
My vagina just recognized that song.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
