I cannot find my penis.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
