tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I'm at about main and main street
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize