then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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