I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
