Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
