I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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