But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
