This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
