Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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