somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
