why didn't you poke me back
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Randomize
