So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
