I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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