Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
