Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
