It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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