Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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