oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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