so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize