Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
