What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
