i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Holy shit dude........stairs
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
