and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
