If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
