So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Even my vagina gasped.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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