stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
