If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
